Then Gerald said quickly, “I can stop.”
“Stop what?”
“Coming around so much. Helping. Anything that makes this uncomfortable.” He looked at me. “You can keep your position at work. Nothing has to change professionally.”
For one terrifying second, I wanted to let him do exactly that.
Because staying would be easier. Gerald was safe. He was familiar. Lily adored him. My mortgage existed. School fees existed. Life was expensive. And I was tired.
Then I realized that was precisely why I had to leave.
I HAD BEEN BORROWING SOMEONE ELSE’S STABILITY
“You’re not a bad person.”
Gerald looked up.
“You’re grieving.” I paused. “So am I.”
He said nothing.
“And I think I leaned on you so much that neither of us noticed when the boundaries disappeared.”
His face tightened. “I’m sorry.”
“I know.”
“And I’m grateful for everything you did.” I meant that. “But I need to stop accepting it.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m leaving the company.”
“Claire, don’t make a career decision because of this.”
“I’m making a life decision.” He went quiet. “I need to know whether Lily and I can stand without Nathaniel.” Then I looked at him. “And without you.”
That hurt him. I saw it.
But Gerald didn’t bargain. He didn’t threaten my job. He didn’t use everything he’d done for us as leverage.
He offered me a fair severance. A strong reference. And nothing else.
That mattered.
THE DRIVE HOME
I drove through Ashgrove with all the windows down. The air was warm. For the first time in months, I didn’t know what would happen next.
It frightened me. It also felt honest.
When I reached home, Lily was sitting on the porch with Marissa. Her stuffed rabbit tucked under one arm, her hair sticking up in every direction after her nap.
I sat beside her. And finally cried.
Not the controlled tears I’d allowed myself at Nathaniel’s funeral. Not the silent ones I wiped away before Lily could see them.
I just cried.
My daughter climbed into my lap and wrapped both arms around my neck.
“I know Daddy wasn’t really at the party.”
I pulled back and looked at her. “What?”
She touched my cheek. “I just miss him.”
That broke me all over again.
“I miss him too.”
Marissa sat beside us and took my hand. For the first time since Nathaniel died, I didn’t feel like my only options were to stay frozen or replace the life I’d lost.
Nathaniel was gone. Gerald loved him. Gerald cared about us. Maybe part of him loved us too.
But none of those truths meant I had to step immediately into the future Gerald had imagined.
Lily and I needed our own ground first. Our own routines. Our own choices. Our own life.
I didn’t know whether Gerald would ever become part of that life again.
Maybe he would. Maybe he wouldn’t.
