“You’re allowed to miss him.”
“That’s what I told myself.”
Something in his answer made me sit. “What does that mean?”
Gerald pressed both palms against the table. “When we were nineteen, Nathaniel wanted us to get matching tattoos.”
“You refused.”
“I was scared of needles.”
Despite everything, I almost smiled. “He never let you forget it.”
“No.” He looked toward the window. “After he died, I kept thinking about it.”
“The stupid tattoo?”
“The promise behind it.” His voice cracked. “He asked me to do something with him, and I said no.”
“So you did it now.”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because I loved him.” He swallowed. “And after he died, I wanted to finally give him the yes I should have given while he was alive.”
That answer hurt. But it made sense.
I looked toward his ear. “That’s why Lily reacted.”
Gerald covered his face briefly. “I remembered as soon as she said it.”
“She used to touch Nathaniel’s tattoo.”
“I know.”
“I’d forgotten.”
He looked sick. “When she said Daddy was there, I understood exactly what she was seeing.”
I nodded. “Thank you for telling me.”
Gerald stared at me. “That’s all?”
“For today.”
THERE WAS MORE
He walked me to my car. Just before I opened the door, he said, “Claire.”
I turned.
“There’s another thing I should tell you.”
I waited.
He looked miserable. “But I don’t know how.”
I saw something in his expression then. Something that had nothing to do with tattoos.
“Then don’t say it today.”
I got into my car. But I knew I’d come back.
Because I’d heard Trent talking about the renovation. And I’d seen the way Gerald looked at Lily. At me.
By lunch, I couldn’t stand not knowing. So I texted him: Can we finish the conversation?
He answered almost immediately. Yes.
THE SECOND-FLOOR RENOVATION
That afternoon, I sat across from Gerald again. This time I didn’t let him avoid the subject.
“The tattoo isn’t the only thing you’ve been hiding.”
He said nothing.
“Trent mentioned your renovation.” His shoulders stiffened. “He said you were rebuilding the second floor for a family.”
Still nothing.
I forced myself to ask. “Is that family supposed to be Lily and me?”
Gerald closed his eyes. That was my answer.
Eventually, he spoke. “At first, everything I did was for Nathaniel.”
I listened.
“Helping you. Fixing things. Taking care of Lily when you were exhausted. It felt like something I owed him.”
I nodded.
“But somewhere along the way…” He struggled with the words. “It stopped being only about him.”
My chest tightened. “What did it become?”
“A life I started imagining.” He looked ashamed. “A bedroom for Lily upstairs. Breakfast with both of you. Helping with school. You coming home.”
He rubbed his hands together. “I never planned to tell you. I never intended to pressure you. But I realized I’d started changing my house around a future that existed only in my head.”
We sat in silence.
