Noah ate almost the entire basket.
Lily slept.
Then she woke.
At first, she made small noises.
I rocked her.
She became restless.
I offered her pacifier.
She pushed it away.
Then she began crying.
I checked her diaper.
Fine.
I checked the time.
Then I understood.
She was hungry.
I looked around.
The pool area was busy.
I had breastfed Lily in public before.
Usually I found a quiet corner.
I used a nursing cover.
I never thought much about it.
A baby needs to eat.
That was all.
I moved my chair slightly toward the umbrella.
Then I draped the nursing cover over Lily.
She latched.
Her crying stopped almost immediately.
I relaxed.
Then I heard a woman’s voice.
“Oh my God.”
I looked up.
Three women sat at a table nearby.
The woman closest to me wore oversized sunglasses.
Her name, I later learned, was Vanessa Cole.
At that moment, she was simply a stranger glaring at me.
She turned toward her friends.
“Are you seeing this?”
One friend laughed awkwardly.
The other looked at her phone.
I tried to ignore them.
Vanessa raised her voice.
“OH MY GOD, YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED!”
The pool seemed to become quieter.
I looked at her.
She pointed toward me.
“This is a public place!”
My face became hot.
I looked down at Lily.
She was completely covered.
I said quietly:
“I’m sorry, ma’am.”
“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
“She just needs to eat.”
Vanessa laughed.
One of her friends laughed too.
“I DIDN’T PAY to see THIS.”
Her voice carried across the pool.
“THIS IS DISGUSTING!”
“You need to leave.”
People turned around.
Some stared at her.
Some stared at me.
I wanted to disappear.
That had become my instinct after Michael died.
Avoid conflict.
Apologize.
Leave.
Make myself smaller.
I looked toward the pool.
Noah had heard her.
He stood waist-deep in the water.
His smile was gone.
That hurt more than the woman’s words.
I whispered:
“I’m sorry, ma’am.”
“I’ll leave.”
“Please, just don’t yell.”
