I opened my eyes slowly — my eyelids felt like they had weights attached to them, the kind they use at the gym for bicep curls — and saw Inemesit tapping my shoulder in panic. Her face was close to mine. Her eyes were wide. That mischievous smile was gone. In its place was something I had never seen on her face before: genuine fear.
“Oga, wake up! Wake up!”
WAKE UP??
I was confused. Where I dey? What happened? The last thing I remembered was the soundtrack in my head and the smell of my Dubai perfume mixing with the smell of my own sweat.
I tried to sit up, but my legs refused to move. Not struggled to move. Refused. Like they had gone on strike without informing me — no prior notice, no union meeting, just a complete and total shutdown.
Blood of Moses!
I had collapsed.
I fainted.
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MATCH?
JESUS WEPT!
I started calculating my life decisions right there on that bed. How did I get here? How did a man with a joint account and a mortgage end up unconscious in his house help’s room? How did the return match turn into a knockout — and I was the one knocked out?
I thought about my ancestors. Would they be proud? Would they shake their heads in disappointment? Would my great-grandfather, who fought in wars and wrestled lions, look down from the great beyond and whisper, “This boy is not my grandson”?
Meanwhile, Inemesit was still panicking. She had gone from Hurricane Inemesit to Nurse Inemesit in record time.
“Oga, should I call ambulance?”
Ambulance ke???
I summoned the little energy left in me — and there was very little, trust me, very little — and shook my head slowly. If ambulance carry me go hospital, which mouth I go use explain say na knack nearly kill me? Which doctor would write that on a report form?
Cause of collapse: Excessive bedroom activities with house help.
I would never recover from that shame. Never. My reputation would follow me to the grave. They would write it on my tombstone: “Here lies Emmanuel. He tried. He failed. He fainted.”
I tried to get up again, but my legs were still shaking like NEPA light during rainy season — on, off, on, off, no stability, no dignity, no hope.
“Oga, you sure say you dey okay?”
I nodded like a lizard — that quick, jerky nod that says “I am fine” while everything inside is screaming “I am dying, call my mother, tell her I love her.”
She helped me back to my room — practically carried me, because my legs had officially resigned from their duties and submitted their resignation letters — and as soon as I touched my bed, I passed out again.
🔥💖OGA I WAN KNACK💖 – EPISODE SIX – WWE SMACK DOWN RELOADED 💖🔥
