Family photographs required coordinated colors.
Once, she asked Adrian to change his sweater at Thanksgiving because his navy shirt “fought with the dining-room centerpiece.”
I thought she was ridiculous.
Usually harmlessly ridiculous.
Three weeks before the wedding, she invited Adrian and me to dinner at her house in Bellmere.
I assumed she wanted to discuss table assignments.
Instead, halfway through dessert, she said:
“I wanted to ask about the ceremony.”
Adrian looked up.
“What about it?”
“The processional.”
Something in her tone made me put down my fork.
She smiled.
“Is Ethan still walking Claire?”
“Yes,” I said.
Margaret nodded slowly.
Then:
“I wondered if perhaps we should rethink that.”
I stared.
“Why?”
She took a sip of water.
“I’m only thinking practically.”
Adrian’s expression changed.
“Mom.”
“Let me finish.”
She looked at me.
“Ethan is obviously invited.”
The word obviously immediately irritated me.
“Nobody is suggesting otherwise.”
“Then what are you suggesting?”
She hesitated.
That was the moment she still had an opportunity to stop.
She didn’t.
“Perhaps your mother could walk you.”
“No.”
“Or you could walk alone.”
“No.”
“Claire.”
“Ethan asked.”
“I said yes.”
“That’s decided.”
Margaret’s smile tightened.
“I understand the emotional part.”
“No, I don’t think you do.”
She ignored that.
“I’m thinking about the photographs.”
Silence.
I genuinely did not understand.
“What photographs?”
“The processional.”
“The wedding album.”
“The framed pictures.”
“All of it.”
Adrian went very still.
Margaret continued.
“If Ethan walks you, his face will be in virtually every important aisle photograph.”
I stared at her.
I kept waiting for another sentence that would somehow make the first one less ugly.
It did not come.
She continued carefully.
“You and Adrian will have these photographs for the rest of your lives.”
“So?”
“So perhaps you should think about what you want displayed.”
My pulse started pounding.
Adrian said:
“Mom, stop.”
Margaret looked irritated.
“I am not saying anything cruel.”
I almost laughed.
“What exactly are you saying?”
She looked at me.
Then toward Adrian.
Finally:
“I would prefer that the wedding photographs focus on the two of you.”
“They will.”
“You know what I mean.”
“No.”
I leaned forward.
“Say what you mean.”
Margaret looked uncomfortable now.
Good.
“I simply don’t want every image of Claire entering the chapel dominated by Ethan.”
There it was.
My brother’s name.
Finally.
But she was still not finished.
“I’m imagining the large photograph we might hang at home.”
“The family album.”
“Forty years from now.”
I stared at her.
“You don’t want Ethan’s face in them.”
Margaret said nothing.
That silence was an answer.
Six different sentences exploded into my head.
That’s my brother.
My father is dead.
What exactly about Ethan’s face offends your decorating plans?
Do you think Down syndrome ruins photographs?
Why does your hallway get a vote in my wedding?
Would you say this if he were sitting here?
I opened my mouth.
