“No. Not if you’re going there to drag her home.”
“I need to see my daughter.”
“Then don’t arrive like the reason she left.”
I hated him for saying it.
I loved him for saying it.
I sat with the torn beanbag beside me and the letters around my knees.
“Tell me how not to scare her,” I said.
“I need to see my daughter.”
***
The next morning, he gave me the address. John drove. I held Livia’s letter.
Natalie opened the door before I knocked twice.
A curtain shifted in the house next door.
For once, I didn’t care who saw me humbled.
“Camila.”
“You knew.”
“Yes.”
My old anger rose fast. I almost raised my voice.
“You had no right.”
A curtain shifted in the house next door.
Natalie stayed in the doorway. “Your daughter was 18, pregnant, and crying on my porch. I had every reason to close the door because of you. But she isn’t you, so I opened it.”
“You should’ve called me.”
“She begged me not to.”
“And you listened?”
“Yes,” Natalie said. “Because someone needed to.”
Mitchell appeared behind her with a baby bottle in his hand. For 11 months, I’d made him a villain.
“She begged me not to.”
He only looked tired.
“I asked her to call you,” he said.
“Then why didn’t you?”
“Because I married Livia. I don’t make choices for her.”
A baby cried inside the house.
Then Livia stepped into the hallway.
“I don’t make choices for her.”
Her hair was shorter, and her face was thinner. But it was her, holding a baby wrapped in yellow.
“Livia,” I whispered.
I stepped forward.
She stepped back.
“Please don’t yell,” she said.
Those three words did more damage than any accusation could have.
“How could you do this to me?” I started.
“Please don’t yell.”
Liam whispered, “Mom.”
Everyone in that room was waiting for me to become the woman they feared.
I took one step back.
“No,” I said. “That was the wrong question.”
Livia blinked.
“What did I do that made leaving feel safer than telling me the truth?”
Her mouth trembled.
“That was the wrong question.”
“You made everything a test,” she said. “My grades. My clothes. My friends. Mitchell. Even my tone.”
“I thought I was guiding you.”
“When I found out I was pregnant, I wanted you. But I could feel your disappointment instead.”
I looked at Rose, then at everyone I had blamed.
“I was wrong,” I said. “I made you believe you had to disappear to be loved safely.”
I turned to Liam.
“I could feel your disappointment instead.”
“And I made you carry a secret no son should’ve had to carry.”
Livia wiped her cheek with Rose’s blanket.
“If we try this,” she said, “Mitchell stays my husband. Natalie stays Rose’s grandmother. Liam isn’t punished. And you don’t get to be cruel to Mitchell just because you’re hurt.”
“Yes.”
“I made you carry a secret no son should’ve had to carry.”
“And you don’t get to tell this story like I broke your heart for no reason.”
I nodded once. “I won’t.”
Rose fussed, and for the first time, I didn’t reach out like love gave me permission.
I asked.
“May I meet her?”
Livia looked at Mitchell. He nodded, but she took another second before stepping forward.
