“I filled out the forms,” Ainsley went on. “All of them. Sent in everything they asked for. I did it a few weeks before graduation. I wanted to surprise you today. You don’t have to wonder what would’ve happened anymore, Dad.”
I sat there at my kitchen table, in the house I’d bought with 12 years of overtime, under the light I’d rewired myself because electricians weren’t in the budget, and I tried to hold on to something solid.
Eighteen years. Pigtails and Powerpuff Girls. Packed lunches and parent-teacher nights. And one carefully folded acceptance letter sitting in a shoebox I’d forgotten I owned.
“I was supposed to give you everything, dear,” I finally said. “That was my job.”
“I wanted to surprise you today.”
Ainsley came around the table and knelt in front of my chair, placing both hands over mine.
“You did, Dad. Now let me give something back.”
One of the officers near the doorway made a small sound that I’m going to generously describe as clearing his throat.
I looked at my daughter and saw someone I hadn’t fully seen before: not my kid, but a person who had chosen me right back.
I looked at my daughter and saw someone I hadn’t fully seen before.
“What if I fail?” I asked. “I’m 35, Bubbles. I’ll be in class with kids who were born the year I graduated.”
Ainsley smiled, and it was her best one, the full one, the one that looked like her Saturday morning cartoon self. “Then we’ll figure it out,” she said. “The way you always did.”
She squeezed my hands once, then stood up.
The officers said their goodbyes shortly after, the taller one shaking my hand at the door and saying, “Good luck, sir,” in a tone that meant it.
I watched their cruiser pull away from the curb and stood in the doorway for a minute after the taillights disappeared.
“What if I fail?”
***
Three weeks later, I drove to the university campus for orientation. I was nervous.
I was older than everyone in the parking lot by at least a decade. My boots didn’t belong on a college campus. I stood outside the main entrance with my folder of documents and felt more out of place than I had in a long time.
Ainsley was beside me. She’d taken the morning off her part-time job to drive over with me, which I’d told her was unnecessary and for which I was privately grateful. She was already set to enroll there on a scholarship.
I was nervous.
I glanced at the building. At the students were moving through the doors. I looked at the whole, large, unfamiliar, slightly terrifying thing I was about to walk into.
“I don’t know how to do this, Bubbles.”
Ainsley tucked her hand through my arm.
“You gave me a life. This is me giving yours back. You can do this, Dad. You can!”
We walked in together.
